Your degree of empathy with your wife's position in the white dominant social order is remarkable. I say this based on my experience within relationships both romantic and simple friendships, in which this level of empathy by and large, didn't exist.

Here in the UK, we have an educational system that teaches 'colour-blindness' as a courtesy, that white people extend, when that in fact serves as a cover-up to the reality of experiencing very different social, political and economic realities.