This is something important l've learnt from this article , which makes sense of re how my white sister in law treats me - useful when she needs me , otherwise ignored.

Over the years I've slowly recognised what amounts to a total lack of reciprocity.

These days I'm wondering, given her total lack of ever reaching out now that she is comfortably married to my brother, is it a sense of entitlement to my time, energy, attention?

is it, dare I say, a kind of racism, her sexual fetishisation of my brother as an 'exotic' brown male in her all white surroundings when she was a teenager?

She showed zero interest in his mother tongue, religion, cultural heritage and total indifference that her mother in law now has grandchildren unable to speak to her in her language. White daughter in law, (let's call her Kate) lives two doors down and despite her father in law passing, barely visits my mother more than once or twice a year.

My mother lives in the house alone, and my nephew or brother sleep in her house, overnight.

A painful situation as my mother speaks little English.