The deeply disappointing thing is how much I respected Neal and believed he was not like most men...

After a 3 year total breakdown and non communication, I finally got in touch with Neal to ask him not to attend a memorial lecture in honour of a tutor from Uni that we both knew - he had attended his funeral , while I had stayed away and only attended the online service.

However, the mutual friend he was supposed to be staying with, who I really wanted to see and stay with, (and who didn't know anything about the situation) was annoyed that I wanted to see her without him there... So finally I need up not going. SO I am left isolated and also have got portrayed as being pushy and acting entitled - his persona as shy, timid and vulnerable, got the others on his side. Can you tell I haven't been able to resolve this damn situation? Meanwhile, he hasn't had the guts to visit me and talk it through, so far. So disappointing.