“Women are not loyal to race, religion, or homeland. Women follow money and power. Once you accept that and make that part of your grand understanding all your women issues will go away.” Dennis Spurling The black man who said this did so in an attempt to paint the female…

It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you — My friend is sitting across the table and looks me straight in the eye to say this. I’ve loved assholes before. I’ve loved a lot of them. It doesn’t say anything about me. I chose to see the best in them. It’s not my fault they didn’t live up to…

Understanding primary supply — As a complex trauma therapist who specializes in treating trauma incurred through narcissistic abuse, I encounter many spouses desperate to escape from the perfidious torment of marriage to a malignant narcissist. Similarly, I work with adult children of mothers and fathers who embody malignant narcissistic traits or fit the diagnostic…

10 powerful steps to disconnect from people who don't help you become a better version. — How many times did you wish that you never met someone? Did you ever dream of cutting ties with someone but didn't know how to? Do you doubt that it is even possible to disconnect with them? My best friend of 2 decades disgraced me in front of her family…

We’ve reduced the stigma but have we jumped from disclosing too little to disclosing too much? Maybe — here’s how to tell. — Lots of Grandfathers never talked about the war. Mine did. A lot. He’d tell you about that guy he served with who would only clip his toenails right after he got out of the shower. He would tell you about both times he burned down the commander’s tent and got…

Spotting whether we’re using these shame-based responses and don’t know it — “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.” — Bessel A. van der Kolk If you’ve experienced trauma growing up, then I don’t have to remind you of its far-reaching effects…

Your current life situation contains all the clues you need. Just ask yourself these two questions. — Do you ever long for energetic days that bring out the best version of you rather than leave you exhausted? Do you sometimes wish life was more impactful and fulfilling? In a world that’s moving so fast, it’s easy to lose your sense of purpose. …

Safety is a fundamental need, and families set the foundation of our safety, but sometimes family isn’t our safe space — We’re coming upon what is perhaps the most notorious time of the year, the holiday season. There are usually two camps of people during the holiday season, those who love it and those who don’t. For those who love this time of year, gathering with family is one of the…

Some random strangers would rather I put myself in harm’s way than miss out on a “relationship” with toxic kin. Let’s unpack that. — Where I come from, blood runs thicker than water. It doesn’t matter if your family lies, cheats, or steals, you are expected to have their back and engage with them regardless of their behavior. …

“Trust not a woman when she weeps, for it is her nature to weep when she wants her will.” — Socrates I am not a sexist nor a misogynist. …

The Exhaustion of Not Being Listened To. — I’ve realized that my family just seems to suffer a collective amnesia around one particular person. No matter what they do, or the terrible memories they have of them, or how many times they cross an unforgivable line, nobody seems to hold them accountable. …

At our core, every human being needs to know when we speak, people care about what we have to say, and they believe us. When that doesn’t happen, it hurts. For many sensitive and empathic people being minimized happens repeatedly. When someone is dismissive of your needs, doesn’t acknowledge your…

Were you the scapegoat in your family? Understand what it is and why you were marked for a life of hardship. — by: E.B. Johnson If you grew up the scapegoat in your family, then chances are you grew up hard and fast. It’s challenging being the emotional punching bag everyone is given license to punish. It’s difficult to be looked down on and dismissed your entire life, but you can turn…

Emotional abuse is the ultimate brainwashing technique. It hides in the form of feigned helpfulness, generosity, compassion, and love. The perpetrator knows how to appear kind and caring while intertwining abusive behavior, causing their victim to become powerless. Emotional abuse is a method of controlling, manipulating, belittling, and invalidating a…

Emotional Freedom Makes a Difference. “The best gifts are never given, but claimed.” ― Warren Ellis When I was on my psychology internship training at Tulane Medical School, I had a young woman as a patient who really did not seem to understand the severity of her actions. Her child…

And I’m So Much Happier — Yeah, I know. That headline sounds so cruel and horrible. I agree. I hate that this is my life. I would love nothing more than to have an even slightly functional, reciprocal, loving relationship with my parents. But I don’t. I tried. I really, really, really tried, for over forty…

What it looks like to replace narcissistic trauma with self-love. — The most damaging aspect of narcissistic trauma is how it twists your relationship with yourself. In this article, I’m going to: Highlight and validate all of the areas narcissistic trauma affects our relationship with ourselves Talk about how to heal our relationship with ourselves so we can experience the peace…

3 years following a C-PTSD diagnosis, here’s what I’ve learned so far — “In this bleak abyss the key is to not be afraid, because fear, though inevitable, only compounds the awful feeling of being lost.” — Esmé Weijun Wang In the original version of “The Little Mermaid” by Hans Christian Anderson, the Little Mermaid makes a deal with a sea witch to…

Emotional maturity doesn’t come with age. Someone who’s forty could have the emotional depth of a teaspoon compared to the person next to them, who’s merely twenty-three. …