Awakening is a fragile state, one which requires both continued reflection and action to maintain. When I read and write, I feel free and assured of my newly restored and constantly becoming identity. In such space of either my own creation (writing beyond school) or my own choosing (reading beyond school) I am safe from the constant pull of Society and School. But when I choose to watch a movie or show (and of course I do!) or venture too deep into societal spaces (physical or virtual), I can feel that pull like an anchor strapped to my ankle as I struggle to keep my head above the angry waters of a deep and stormy Atlantic. I begin to doubt myself. I begin to feel shame. I feel convinced of my own exaggeration of my own lived experience! Not long ago I was still acting on those feelings (those of shame, etc) to withdraw and delay what could be my future. It has taken until quite recently to able to endure that pull, as viscerally and really felt as the moment my fingers fell from my hand in that saw, knowing full well what it represents (and what it does not!). I simply return to my reading and writing or to my music and, in doing so…I return to myself.
