I'm not sure what you mean by performance art - I supported her and told brother off, while advising her not to accept his flaky behaviour... I agree with you that too often, males are pretty indifferent to civilities so long as their own needs are being met !

You are right, that there is a dynamic of feigning interest between my sisters and his wife... I'm sure my brother enjoys feeling like he is in charge of the harem. Ugh.... But as I am not prepared to play these games, I generally keep away.

The painful thing is seeing teh children trying to make sense of these complex dynamics.

Thank you for sharing your experience too.